This time baby
Bulletproof
Exposition:
Not only does my revision maintain the staccato one-note-per-syllable buildup right up to the dénouement of “bulletproof,” and thus constitute a prosodic improvement, it also accomplishes a semantic enrichment: The original “I’ll be” announces an intention to accomplish the impossible task of becoming impervious to pain by fiat alone, while my revised version constructs a causality whereby the pain her lover has inflicted in the past has rendered her numb, and thus impervious to future pain. This thickens the bittersweetness of the proclamation, allowing the exuberance of the delivery to be more effectively ironized upon reflection on the bleakness of the statement delivered. Perhaps more importantly, it converts the empty idealism of transformation by fiat into an experiential materialism which undercuts the illusory subjective efficacy implied by the frisson of the vocal performance.
